i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
