I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
