i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
