We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
