Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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