was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
