This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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