Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
