I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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