Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
