Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
