bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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