She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
