she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
