The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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