The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize