She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize