I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
