He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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