I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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