my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
