dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
