Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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