Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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