Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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