I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
