The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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