worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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