i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
