You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
