she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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