your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
