If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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