Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
