tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
