I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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