I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
