PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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