shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
