So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
