you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize