it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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