everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
