exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
