remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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