After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
