Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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