scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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