His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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