I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
