i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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