Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
