i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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