Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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