1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
