Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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