nut hugger
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
