sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
