Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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