My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
