his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
