ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
