its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You left your phone here
Wait...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
