K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
