you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
