i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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