my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
